Too hot, or too cold?
If asked to choose between two extremes, such as "too bored or too busy?", I'd never really have an answer. I mean, duh, right? Who would? I think the whole point of that question is that no one could really have an answer. But it's precisely because of that that I find my ability to pick a side between too hot and too cold interesting.
I'd definitely take freezing over scorching.
I don't care what anyone else says; Singapore is uninhabitable without air conditioning. I could be sitting my jobless ass at home with a fan blowing directly at me writing a blog post, and I could be sweating. The temporary relief of a cold shower lasts approximately fifteen seconds before I find myself burning and sweating again in this heat. I could get heat injury and hyperventilate just by walking in the sun for ten minutes FFS. And they think we're ready to fight a war, ha. ha. ha.
So perhaps then you can see my fascination and affinity with the cold, because to me it has always been a sign and means of relief. It's summer all year round in Singapore, which means we never get snow. I only got to know what snow felt like on a family trip in 2016 to Japan, when I was 22! So of course I'm speaking from a place of bias, because I've never had to shovel snow off my porch just to take out the trash in my home, or had to spike my tyres just to get anywhere in the winter. But, hey, grass on the other side's always greener, right? Or, er... snow... is... whiter... eheh... okay whatever I'm a terrible writer.
Maybe I'm talking out of my ass as a result of never having dealt with the problems of winter, but I always envision that the cold would make one seek out a place of comfort and loved ones for warmth, much like how I associate the cold with relief. What does being too hot do for a person on a psychological level? All it does is waste the brain into a smouldering puddle.
Or how about ways to cope? You can only take off so much clothing before it becomes illegal, but you can put on as much as you want until you're warm (or can't move!). Being too cold makes you shiver, but is otherwise quite harmless, whereas being too hot makes you sweat, dehydrates you, makes your clothes stick to your body and in some cases making them see through. Not to mention it makes you stink like hell. It's just a hateful, hateful mess.
I don't know what this says about me as a person, but it should come as no surprise that I tend to prefer the cold, dark, gloomy places and themes over their livelier counterparts. I just find comfort in the loneliness, the quiet, the desolate feeling of it all. Cars racing in the rain has always been such a romantic thing for me to watch, in lieu of having the balls to actually do it. As a kid I've always loved watching individual rain drops race each other to the bottom of a car window, sometimes merging into each other to gain a weight advantage. Fake smiles and laughter are awash in society, but tears are always genuine.
-gosh what am I even saying? Is this even about hot and cold anymore? Sorry, I get a million thoughts in my head each day, and they're all just about as useless as this. This one just happens to be less harmful and disturbing. Of course, I'll always find a way to spear off into a dark tangent, but when it happens I suppose it's up to me to stop myself.
Sorry for making you sit through it.
Haha, I feel bad just copy-pasting my previous writing onto this blog, and because I'm sharing it only with my therapist thus far, I tend to copy-paste only the dark, depressive, morbid pieces here, which I guess kinda makes me look like a tortured, psycho, suicidal, ensnared in darkness soul. I mean, not that that's not true, it's just... there's more to me than that, you know? Not to mention I feel bad for this blog, becoming a dumping ground of sorts, so here's a bespoke post for fourth wall. I hope you enjoyed it.
(bespoke... right... I really need to be in the car industry fml)
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