First on Fourth

Holy smokes, a new blog? In 2018? Without pictures of food, travel, or scantily clad women? What is this?

*ahem* that's... quite a first sentence for a new blog, isn't it? I suppose that's pretty much all you need to know about how I write, and the quality of my writing, heh. Hello. My name is Lee Ke Tat. I go by "XSquareStickIt" online. I'm a 24 year old male (single!!!) Singaporean, with a diploma in Mechanical Engineering. This is my third and youngest blog. I have two more I started in 2008 and 2009 respectively, but both of those are way too personal and filled with garbage for me to ever feel comfortable with making public.

So, what's this blog, and why did I create it? To be honest, I'm not entirely sure myself. I just went on a ramble fest to my poor, probably confused therapist last session, and she encouraged me to challenge myself by stepping out of my comfort zone by making some of my writing public. Not only does it allow me to express myself more and learn to respect my own voice, it's also apparently some sort of a behavioural experiment. So, um, here's my hamster wheel I guess. I've always felt like a prisoner caged in my own head anyway.

Hooooo boy! That got dark really quickly, didn't it? I feel like you, dear theoretical reader, should know that I have self diagnosed depression, anxiety, and possibly a whole assortment of mental issues I've not quite realised yet. It's certainly not something I'd bring up within five minutes of meeting someone new, yet here you are, five minutes into getting to know me, already knowing I'm sick in the head. That's why I best express myself in writing and in the format of a blog, because it allows me to express myself and calmly think my sentences over without the pressures and stresses of an actual conversation. ...and because I can keep talking even if you aren't interested, eheh.

It kinda begs the question, doesn't it? What defines a person? Is it their personality, their hobbies, their profession, their sexual orientation, their race, their mental illnesses? Does any of it really define a person? I don't know. I've always felt so lost, small, and insignificant. It's hard to care what I am when I can't even convince myself any of it matters.

So, um... this blog... is going to feature mainly heavily doctored content from my two other blogs. Even when trying to write with the general public eye in mind I feel like a fish out of water, and I'm the type that feels the need to declare when I'm not being entirely honest. Um... can I... go now? This is super awkward.