LiSA - Rain Song
Lyrics and Arrangement by Maeda Jun
いつだって泣かせては君を困らせてた
そんな君も大きくなり遠くへ行くって話
聞いてない! 唐突の雨だ
傘もなく立ち尽くす
I've always caused you trouble and made you cry
I heard that you, too, is growing up and going far away
I didn't hear that! In the sudden rain,
I stand still without even an umbrella
いつでもふたりで居るって言ってくれたよね たしか
覚えてたのはあたしひとりだったのかな
君と見た星忘れて 君と見た夢忘れて
別々の道を進むなんてイヤだ
I remember you saying that we'd be together forever
Perhaps I'm the only one who remembers it
Forgetting the stars and dreams that I've seen with you
Somehow, I don't want to go our separate ways
もしかして誕生日のプレゼントのことかな
似合わない そう言って笑うから失くした
見つけ出す! あれはどこだ?
雨は勢いを増す
Is it perhaps the incident regarding the birthday present?
"It doesn't suit me", I said, laughed, and then lost it
I'll find it! Eh, where is it?
The rain continues to grow heavier
どうして君だったんだろ イジワルしてばっかだった
思い出せるのは情けない顔ばっかり
君と見た映画忘れて 君の匂いも忘れて
別の誰かと生きるなんてイヤだ
Why did it have to be you, the you that I bullied so much?
When I think about you, all that comes to mind is your pitiful looking face
Forgetting the movies I saw with you, forgetting too your smell
Somehow, I don't want to live life with someone else not you
初めて会った日を思い出す
公園の木に隠れてた君
それをつついて追い出してみた
大雨が降ってたのに
Remembering the day I met you for the first time
The you that was taking shelter under the tree in the park
I tried poking you and chasing you out
Despite the heavy rain that was falling then
時は過ぎ 今はあたしが
雨の中 泣いている
Time passes, and now I'm
Crying in the rain
あんなに好きだったのに本当に好きだったのに
君以外の人はどうでもよかったのに
どうしてその君だけがいなくなっちゃうんだろう
頭がおかしくなりそうだ もう
雨は強く打ちつける 体の芯まで冷える
公園の木にぶつかり 君のように泣いた
君がいたこと忘れて 君とした恋も忘れて
君の代わりに泣くのはもうイヤだ…
Even though I loved you so much, even though I really loved you
Even though anyone else could do
Why is the you I loved so much the only one who's going to be gone?
I think I'm going crazy over it
The heavy rain beats against me, and my body is freezing to the core
Hitting the tree in the park, I cried just like you
Forgetting that you were here, forgetting the love that we had
I don't want to cry in your stead anymore...
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Oh, Maeda Jun, you. He's pretty much the "feels factory" as far as I'm concerned, not just in terms of anime, but in everything. I had a conversation once with an ex colleague, and we both came to the conclusion that, instead of those CAPTCHAs to prove that you're human, you could just show them the whole Clannad run, and if they don't cry, they're not human.
Anyway, this song is a song by the fictional band in Angel Beats!, and even though it doesn't make an appearance in the actual show, I love this song a hell of a lot, even if LiSA doesn't really capture the emotions of this song, and wasn't that good a singer in her early singing days.
I know the lyrics might seem weird to some English speaking folk out there, but I like to as directly translate Japanese as possible, which means the English end result tends to look wonky. But I love the lyrics to this song because it really speaks very strongly about the character of the singer, very strongly about the very special kind of relationship they had, and most importantly, a very strong sense of regret. I think it challenges the concept of love that most people would conjure up in their head when talking about love, as I think the singer has a very weird, yet very strong appreciation for the person that they're missing. But of course, it's not difficult to see why the loved party would leave someone like that, as well, be it intentionally or otherwise. In fact, it's pretty much expected, the way things had been going. And that's where the big shock comes in for the singer of this song, because everything was going so well, everything was going so happily that it makes it ten times more difficult to come to terms with the fact that the person they loved is not going to be with them for much longer. But at the same time, the fact that the person the singer loved so much stuck with them for so long, through all that apparent bullying, made the person the singer loved all that more special, because they stuck with the singer through presumably years, long enough to do some "normal" things like watching movies together and just stargazing, through all that... that undoubtedly makes this bullied person all the more special to the singer, because they stuck with the singer through all that, when the average person would've walked away at first sight of the singer.
So, why do I bring this up? I bring this song up because, right now, I feel, moreso than ever before, I could relate very strongly to this song.
I think that I, just like a kid that doesn't want to admit that he was in the wrong, doesn't want to admit that he has yet to grow up like everyone else around him has.
For the longest time, I've always blamed others when things don't go the way I want them to, especially when it comes to love and relationships. I think things like, "they're all insensitive bitches!", "they don't know how to appreciate me!", "All women want in a man are just looks and money, not love!", and, most recently, "They're so immature!"
It's only after having gone out for dinner with - and - again that I've had someone else point out my flaws to me, like how I don't ever dress up for anything, how I don't want higher education after this, and, well, basically being a good for nothing.
I've this bad habit of just angrily rejecting criticism as my knee jerk reaction to them, and as a result I just thought, "what a materialistic bitch, wanting this and that from me" at the time. And if it were anybody else saying those things to me, that'd have been the end of that. But because it came from someone I was in love with before, it actually stung, and continued stinging long enough for me to put down my walls for a second and examine what she said in more detail, in hopes that I can ease the pain a little.
And once I thought about it, I feel kinda stupid. I mean, of course women want guys to look good. Hell, I'm the most superficial asshole I know, who am I to blame others for being superficial themselves? And, of course, women want a husband that can bring them a sense of security, and what better way to do that than to have good qualifications and a stable, high paying job?
By saying that I don't see the point in dressing up, or getting higher education, I suppose that in effect says that I don't want to compete in the "market" of getting a girlfriend. Doesn't that mean that I haven't a right to complain that no one wants me, no one can see my good qualities, and not being able to appreciate me?
I think I know what it means to grow up. It's just that, I don't necessarily want to. I know it sounds like an incredibly bratty thing to say, and it probably sounds a hell of a lot worse when I combine that with bitching about how nobody wants me. But the reason why I say I don't want to grow up is because I think I've seen and know what it takes to be a "successful" adult, and it not only scares me, it's heavily repulsive and goes against almost every moral code in me. To be a two, maybe even three or four faced person, to be a useless fuck at your core, knowing only to talk big with no regard to those under you, to know how to lie and bluff your way out of situations with your superiors, to know how to make it look like you're doing a good job when the only effort and pride you put into your job is to cover up the trails of your own laziness, to value your promotions and progress on the corporate ladder more than anything else, and to pretend that you're a half decent human being on top of all that.
If that's what it means to grow up, be successful, and appease women, fuck it; I'd rather die alone.
Of course, I might have that kind of perception of the adult working world because of what I see in the organisation I currently slave away for. MAYBE the real, outside world isn't really as fucked up as what I'm seeing now, but if everyone who cares for me is to be believed, then the outside world is just like that as well. (Spoiler alert: it's just as bad - Me from 2018)
Why the hell would I want to pay an exorbitant amount of money to go into a school to prepare me to be "successful" in such a fucked up environment? Why would I want to pay an exorbitant amount of money to go into a fucked up environment to further waste four years of my life, achieving absolutely nothing in the process, to get myself fucked up enough so that I can excel in the bona fide fucked up environment to pay off the student loan that I'll inevitably have to take to get into the fucked up environment that is school to begin with?
Sorry, it makes no sense to me.
I'm the type of person that most enjoys being creative, doing things my myself, and being able to see the fruits of my labour. And if that means getting a low wage job that gets oil on my hands, then so be it. If it means I'm not pretty then so be it.
I chided - for not having "grown up" enough, and that she's still a child, hence why I could never see her as girlfriend material until she "grows up".
But what does it mean to "grow up"?
I think growing up just means conforming to what society wants of you, to be honest. I mean, you essentially change your mindset and way of doing things to coexist with others, and make a living amongst other people. Those that aren't subject to this, like teen pop stars, end up as "spoiled brats", and we chide them for being kids and spoiled brats.
Of course, conforming to what the society wants of you means that, depending on where you do your "growing up", what you "grow up" into is different. Being aggressive and getting what you want mercilessly for example, could work in America, but in Japan that'd just be too blunt and rude, even if human beings are just ugly pieces of shit in their cores no matter where you go. I know that this is a very vague example, but I don't exactly have the globe trotting experiences to really flush this out with a compelling argument, so bear with me here.
That being said, how does that principle apply to being "grown up" when it comes to relationships? What mindset are we talking about when we say that someone has a really "mature" way of thinking when it comes to relationships? Who are the proverbial "pop stars" of relationships, and do they need to "grow up"?
I think you can already see where this is going. Point is, expecting someone to "grow up" and "be more mature" is just a high and mighty way of saying, "be more like me, damnit". And I think that's cruel. Everybody should have a right to be who they are and who they want to be. If you truly loved a person for who they are, why would you want them to change?
Wishing for someone to be more mature in their way of thinking when it comes to relationship is unfair, I think, because everybody's different life experiences and environments mould them into becoming different and unique people. It's like wishing that pop stars wouldn't be so... silly. they're never gonna change because being an asshole is what has worked out for them in life; askingthem to suddenly change and not do these stupid things just wouldn't make much logical sense. The people who like -, for example, but wish he'd change, or lie to themselves that he isn't so horrible, doesn't love him; they love the image of him they've built in their heads.
Similarly, if being materialistic and going for looks is what has worked for -, if seeking playboys, the "bad guys" give her the most happiness, security, or whatever it may be that she gets out of those relationships, then, well, who am I to tell her how to be happy?
*sigh* I know I just said it was an incredibly cruel thing to say, but I wish she'd grow up more, too.
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