I initially started writing GT7 car reviews here as a way to host images and to proofread my crap before posting it to the Car of the Week thread on GTPlanet Forums, which I also ran until my declining health forced me to end regular activities. I never advertised my blog nor Car of the Week because I myself hate ads and plugs, with the copium of, "if my work really is that good, the word will spread by itself and people will return on their own." I don't know if this is just a ritual feeling for artists without an overinflated ego or if my work has just never been any good, but I always felt like my work was just very casual garbage and I had hit a ceiling in how much I could improve on my own. I've always wished that I could describe how a car feels like Tsuchiya Keiichi could, or write with the attention–robbing wit of Chris Harris. But I'm just a fucking idiot with no background playing pretend in a video game, and I've always struggled to be satisfied with that no matter how much time and thought I put into my writing. In a way, that can be its own selling point: I don't have to fear souring working relations or satisfying sponsorship obligations; I can go full nuclear on cars I despise. But I also don't super know how to cite sources, nor do I have the clout to ask companies for more information when I need them. While that might be excusable for a casual, non–profit piece of writing, it's always bugged me regardless.
Another brand of copium I huffed was that COTW was "just" casual fun with a tight–knit group who met up regularly, and my written car reviews was a way for me to try putting a piece of myself and my weird brain out in public space more, both of which stemmed from advice I got from an excellent therapist some seven years ago in bid to overcome some isolation. This blog was born from that very same initiative, actually, hence the super weird URL (I'm not a very smart or poetic person, as you can probably already tell). To be completely honest, the thought of putting myself out in the public eye still scares me. I don't think the human brain is wired to handle all the attention and notoriety the world wide web can garner for one person, and so maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I've somewhat wished against having more attention and participants in COTW. Having dealt with three toxic, immature man–children in COTW only furthered that fear, though I'd like to think I haven't actually acted on that fear.
This post was meant to be an update for the 20 or so of you who visit this blog regularly, though my tired and unfocused brain has caused me to ramble and meander. What I really wanted to say is this: there likely won't be many — if any — car reviews here any more because I've shuttered COTW due to my declining health, and I'm thankful for those of you who visit this blog. I'll probably still try to put some of myself out in public eye here on this blog, though it'd most likely be melancholic, dark, depressing thoughts I deem are palatable enough to put out publicly.
In the meantime, I haven't stopped driving virtually. I've been taking part in Spec Racing Club's Coffee Break lobbies, which typically have limits on power, mass, and tyre compounds, but is otherwise a free–for–all with open settings. Some of the pictures you've been seeing in this post are from those races, actually! It helps massively stepping down from a role of organiser to "just" a casual participant, and not having to hold myself to an arbitrary standard to feel worthy of writing about the cars definitely helps! I'm having enormous fun tinkering with cars and exploring their tuning potential instead of how they are bone stock. I'm trying to keep somewhat sharp despite my health by racing at least once a week. And, because this isn't my own thing, I feel comfortable plugging it.
Super bombshell of an ending here, it's been too long since I've written regularly that I've forgotten how to do this.
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