https://youtu.be/CBpBK8_csfU
@DarrenLeeSonicsilverhedgehog 5 years ago
That police chase footage? Not sure what it’s source was, but the same footage has a Mustang in it in the Wired Mill Blackbird video.
The fact that they superimposed this Vision GT car onto tracking vehicles is just funny, but still neat.
@BrainSeepsOut 7 years ago
Except it wasn't tested in the real world. The car is CG.
@openh20 8 years ago
tested in the real world my ass.. too bad the video is full of holes.. Gurlain is driving a whole bunch of other cars in this one in the in car shots.. the telemetry is loaded into an R56, the desert shot is in a countryman or paceman.. unveiled and fake tested in the real world.. there is no real car.. it's all animation. #tease
@Skakhti 8 years ago
Fake sounds, fake car, sudden car horn and alarm at Nurburgring and a lame ass police chase.
This trailer is just bad.
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"So, that's your job this week: go out there and test the car", explains Esther the editor in her usual deadpan business demeanour.
"How's that different from any other week?", I asked, wondering why the heck I was called in to basically be explained my job as though a new intern.
"You don't have to go so hard like last week with the specifics, and definitely no need to slag a whole company in the process. Just the fact that you, a real person, have gone out there on the track and tested it, is more important for BMW's marketing department today than any constructive feedback", explains Esther, seemingly more in her element than usual. "They've no plans to iterate or improve on the car because it's not going to reach customers' hands. Basically, they just want to be able to say, "Tested in the real world" without being liable to get sued for it; doesn't matter if the car is good or not."
I scowl. "You're basically telling me not to slag the company while immediately giving me nothing but reason to slag them the very next sentence."
"It's just another one of those days in the office when you can take it easy. Just say something generic like, "the car is very powerful. I enjoyed my time with it" or something like that. We normies usually like days like these. Do you not get easy days as a racing driver?", quips the editor.
"The entire JD of a racing driver is to go as hard as you can for as long as you can, Esther."
"Yeah, well, learn to relax a bit. You're not a racing driver anymore."
"Shut up."
Esther pauses for a moment when neither of us are looking at each other before continuing: "I'm sure top F1 drivers are parrots for their sponsors, too."
I grimace. That was the one part of my job I was downright terrible at. If a car isn't performing, you don't treat it with kindness or pretend nothing happened; you identify the problem and make changes. Why do people want to be louder than racecars, and yet still be so fragile?
"Fine! I, a really real person, am really going out into the real world to really test the very real Mini Vision Gran Turismo really thoroughly!", I spat out.
"Oh!" The usually calm and petite Esther perks up with a slap of her lap as she remembered something, springing to her feet. "Speaking of sponsors, we've declared this week Barbie Week on Car of the Week, so... um... please don't..."
Esther scurries over to the door linking the office to the garage, just a hint of excitement pepping her steps. She then opens the door and scoots aside with a single, fluid motion, sheepish smile on her usually expressionless face to reveal my fate for the week.
"...be mad?"
I suck in a deep breath to complain, but sighed it out instead. "Long as it drives well and I don't have to look at it". I strode past Esther without taking my eyes off the car. "At least they tinted the windows. It's almost like they're aware how little anyone wants to be seen in this, god forsaken livery or not."
"Safe testing!" came Esther's voice from behind. She somehow sounds different when she's smiling.
"Not much a racing driver can do if an untested prototype for a marketing stunt explodes mid drive."
Stagnant silence. Expecting some chide remark by now, I turn my whole body to see what was holding her up.
"Don't scare me like that...", came her quivering voice.
"...sorry. I'll survive."
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The Real World Test of the Mini Clubman Vision Gran Turismo
The Mini Clubman Vision Gran Turismo is a car. You press on the go pedal and it goes. You press on the brake pedal and it slows. You turn the wheel and it turns. I can confidently tell you this from my experience with it in the real world.
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"Lee what the f- HOW DARE YOU! I can't publish this!", explodes Esther the editor. She's been having more and more moments like this in the office lately for some reason. "Why can't you just learn to work with others and say some nice things once in awhile?! It's not that hard!"
"It IS hard for me to lie and say I liked my time with this crap car!", I shot back. "If they want me to say nice things about their car, how about they make a nice car? "It's not that hard!" The 2005 Cooper S won our Car of the Year award last year!"
"You're not a racing driver anymore, and no one is your mechanic! Stop screaming! We don't owe you anything!"
"I'm still good at what I do, and I'm going to prove that to you week in, week out!"
"WHY?!"
"Why?! Why else do you think I was hired for this job? I'm not good for anything else!"
"Oh, Lee, you...!"
The editor turns her back to me to hide her face, returning her stern gaze to her laptop, when she notices a second, bigger attachment to the email and opens it.
"You can cut out the offensive parts as usual. I don't do easy days in the office."
"Mmm."
"Can I go now?"
"Mmm."
********************
The Mini Clubman Vision Gran Turismo is a car. You press on the go pedal and it goes. You press on the brake pedal and it slows. You turn the wheel and it turns. I can confidently tell you this from my experience with it in the real world. I chose to introduce you to the car this way, dear reader, because the car is entirely devoid of any personality like an overly protected and controlled child.
Before I could even open the door to our garage, I've had to get my ears talked off by BMW reps regarding ground rules: no touching the ride height, camber, the centre diff, individual gear ratios, and even the bloody WHEELS on this. We had our consultant from Understeer Engineering with us during testing, and they confirmed with me that they only parts they have in their catalogue that would fit into the car no issue are tyres, a hydraulic handbrake, ballast, and power restrictors. No, not even bloody Nitrous Oxide. At this point, I'm surprised enough to learn that BMW will at least allow me to change the tyres on this car after each testing session. These guys make Ferrari look like the leaders of the free world, sweet baby Buddha.
As you might expect from an upbringing with such controlling parents, the Mini VGT handles extremely neutrally. The car turns until it doesn't turn anymore, at which point understeers. The tabletop torque "curve" that is signature of BMW's latest models almost makes it irrelevant when the Mini VGT upshifted, as long as it's somewhere within the last 500rpm, and it sounds like a soulless office prisoner at a dead end, routine job who just contracted anal cancer farting into a cabinet.
It has 388HP (289kW). It weighs 1,050kg (2,315lbs). It has a 6 speed sequential. It can do 0-100 in an as–tested in the really real world, 3.1 seconds on the hard slick tyres it comes with. Its pace around a track very closely matches that of a GT4 racecar, such as my darling, beautiful, engaging, and involving Porsche Cayman GT4 Clubsport when unfettered by Balance of Performance, which puts the really real Mini VGT a peg above Gr.4 racers in sheer pace with or without BoP. The trade–off is that Gr.4 cars can install approved forced induction and even nitrous systems to bring their pace up to rival those of some of the slower GT3 cars, but that is simply out of the question for the Mini VGT. As a very real consequence of this, the car sits smack dab in the middle of no man's land at 648.10PP, meaning it has to bend over backwards and uncomfortably cripple itself to fit into 600PP events, or be running at a severe deficit to blue flag things it has no business sharing a track with. In either scenario, it feels like a fish out of water and struggles to belong anywhere.
But, while it can hang with GT4 racecars in terms of one lap pace, there isn't a chance in hell I'd take the Mini VGT over a bona fide GT4 racer; it has tyres that look no wider than the narrower front tyres of my sensible Cayman GT4 Clubsport, and yet it has more of its weight over its front axle than my RMR Cayman has its rear percentage wise, with 58% of its body mass sandbagging the front end. With grip at a premium in the Mini VGT and overly stressed front tyres, trail braking is a bit of a notable weakness with the car; despite it stopping well, the front tyres quickly give out when introducing any steering angle under full braking, which means drivers will have to almost fully come off the brake pedal for the car to bite into a corner. The extremely neutral Mini VGT is also weirdly prone to sliding when hard braked with its outside wheels on some of the more raised and textured rumble strips going into a corner, such as the ones found in the really real Dragon Trail Circuits; a behavior I haven't been able to replicate with the spare Gr.4 cars I had on hand in the office, from my similarly F–AWD Turbo 4 Banger Atenza Gr.4, to my impeccably balanced RMR NA Flat 6 Cayman GT4, with only a hint of this slippery behaviour being observed in the hatchback FF Gr.4s, and not nearly to the catastrophic extent of the Mini VGT. Not being able to use the outside kerbs to open up a corner more during entry just adds yet another reason to have to brake earlier. Thankfully, the Mini VGT actually came to us with an adjustable Brake Balance Controller, which does help somewhat in alleviating that understeer on turn in and preserving the front tyres.
Unfortunately, said premium for front end grip is also felt during corner exits, and as previously mentioned, the centre differential is unadjustable in this car, with our consultant from Understeer Engineering confirming with me that they have no existing parts in their catalogue to replace the tyrannical unit in the Mini, damning it to an eternity of a criminally conservative 40:60 front to rear torque split and power understeer. The only way to prevent the front outside wheel from spinning and washing wide then, is to be similarly conservative (i.e. slow) with your right foot, with no hope of inducing a bit of slip on the rear to help with the situation, leaving the only recourse from power understeer backing off and waiting it out. Have I mentioned how boring this car is to drive yet? Or how much I'd rather be in any other non–FF Gr.4 car?
Almost as if being thrown a bone by the hand of fate, only to have it yanked away as a cruel joke, the Mini VGT is capable of equipping Dirt tyres, but it's hopelessly terrible on dirt; and that is if you can somehow find a tyre manufacturer that will make you a bloody 21–inch offroad tyre with virtually no sidewall. Packing AWD and 125mm of unadjustable ground clearance despite the fact that it sports a "Fully Customizable Suspension" in its caricature of an SUV silhouette, the really real Mini VGT tries to be both a track day warrior and an off road specialist both at once, with really, really miserable results: the stiff racing suspension that gives the car its racecar rivaling immediacy on paved asphalt means that it's impossible to get any weight transfer done on dirt, making the SUV slide like a whale in a mudslide. While the spring rates and dampers can thankfully be adjusted to fix this issue, and the engine has enough torque to break grip on all four corners with a boot full of throttle in spite of its fixed individual gear ratios and conservative centre diff, why anyone would choose to modify this for dirt racing over something much cheaper, adjustable, and eligible for dirt events is something I don't claim to know.
And so, what we end up with is a car that has the pace of a GT4 racer that can go on dirt, yet is ineligible for Gr.4 or Gr.B racing. Many hosts of events in Seven Haven frown upon rides that aren't production cars, and those that don't mind will require the Mini VGT to horrendously cripple itself with extremely limited adjustability to its parts to make up for that, which I'm sure will drive away many tuners looking to flourish in the laxer rules of PP limited events. The Mini Vision Gran Turismo is a really real car that really exists, that has been tested in the real world, and the inevitable conclusion I've come to from my really real testing of it in the real world is that it isn't good for anything and doesn't belong in any reality.
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"You can't call this an honest review when you're transferring so much of your own self hatred into your writing, you idiot..."
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