Car of the Week Reviews—Fiat Nuova 500 '68

The 1968 Fiat 500 is too slow to review. You might as well ask me to review the cornering prowess of a continent, which moves faster than the damn thing. Its top speed rather depends on how much you've had for breakfast, and if you've the headlights on. You could stick your left foot out the door and pedal this thing along the road faster than its engine would carry it, and it'd certainly help with the cramps and circulation problems your right foot will no doubt experience when driving this thing flat out around most circuits. Cyclists could and would go faster in the face of a slight opposing breeze or a gentle incline than this thing could even have dreams about. Hell, I'm even willing to bet I achieve a higher average speed in real life with my Honda Fit than I do with this thing in a virtual racetrack. You'd need to set your camera down for a timelapse shot to get any sort of motion blur when shooting the 500... provided nature doesn't claim your camera before that happens.

Also, yes, THIS happened.

And yet, despite all that, it somehow manages to get itself into trouble in corners despite its nonexistent speed; the front end of this RR car is certainly capable of writing cheques its rear end can't cash, resulting in what has to be documented in the Guinness World Records as the slowest slide in a 4 wheeled automobile. If you've had the far fetched fantasy of increasing the power output of this thing by, say, swapping a Lambo V12 into it, the leaf springs and 4 speed gearbox both have objections that are sure to be sustained. Even when given seven times its original power in our lobby and even the accompanying gearbox tunes, the 500 could barely hold its own against a severely crippled Honda Fit Hybrid. And you thought that was slow.

Is there any saving grace to the Nuova 500 then? Well, it does have to be said that it possesses a remarkably strong body: one that lets a 10 ton tank roll over and jump on it!

In fact, because it has rear seats, it lends itself well to having a pair of 14mm Vulcan Cannons stuck through its rear windows, and because it's RR, there's lots of room up front for ten heat seeking missiles. AND it jumps!